Alarm

SMOKING IN THE TOILETS WILL ACTIVATE THE ALARM But will it though? I thought, will it? They've probably just written that to scare people. There's no alarm in here any more than there was a magic dye in the swimming pool when I was young. Turns out I was wrong. There's an alarm all right.... Continue Reading →

I Am 5

I am five years old. Our family day out at the seaside has ended badly. In seething silence my parents march me up the concrete ramps that cross the train tracks at Chalkwell train station. They're annoyed, very annoyed. It's all my fault as they make abundantly clear whenever there is no one else around.... Continue Reading →

Masterchef

“She’s burnt that beef,” Iggy says. “Her presentation skills aren't up to much either,” Bowie replies. “Yeah, but she can learn that, burning beef, that’s a basic error, she’s going home.” “Have I ever told you about the Kobe beef I was served on my first visit to Japan?” Bowie asks. Iggy turns his gaze... Continue Reading →

Golden Years

“He’s outside now. I can see him through the window,” Florence tells the policewoman on the other end of the line. “Okay. Is this the same man as last time, Florence?” the policewoman asks. “Call me Flo dear, everybody calls me Flo.” “The man outside Flo, is he the same person you reported last Monday?”... Continue Reading →

Pernilla & Me 2

Our plan once we’d signed the register and the wedding photo’s were out of the way, was to hot foot it over to Glasgow and get on with our honeymoon. We’d booked into the same hotel (The Radisson), that we stayed at on our first ever visit to Glasgow back in October 2005. Romance huh,... Continue Reading →

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